It's more than a safe space. It's a sacred space. 

Therapy, for me, is more than clinical work. It is sacred work. There's a vast array of therapeutic style and in my opinion, an effective therapist will use their natural gifts to enhance their approach. In other words, their authenticity will shine like a warm golden light in that safe, sacred space. Because my authenticity is contagious, just as every truly free human I've encountered has silently handed me a permission slip to do the same. It's what its all about, really. This therapy thing. The kind that I do. It's learning new coping skills, of course. Even more, understanding the trauma of our lives (every human experiences trauma), to see with some clarity the path that has led us to this very moment in time - the now. Together, we look at this (often) painful journey with deep reverence and respect. For what life has handed and asked of us, for what it has put us through. And for the gifts we've received along the way, however disguised they might be.

The journey to authenticity isn't about gaining anything new; rather, about letting go of the old,  overused, no-longer-needed-but-thank-you egoic shields (defense mechanisms) that have served to protect us (or so they think) from the harshness of life. We bless them with gratitude as we set them free, for their very purpose has always been to keep us safe - emotionally and physically. They've worked in many ways; helped us survive and cope with terribly difficult experiences. And yet, as always, there is another side to this coin. Those very protective shields keep us disconnected from the raw experience of life. We check-out, dissociate. Forget, even. You might be surprised to learn how many of my clients remember very little about their childhoods. Deep suppression and repression. This keeps us from our pain, sort of. Yet, in a moment of courageous vulnerability, most of us can find that very part of us that carries the burden of shame, tells us we're unworthy, the part we reject. The thoughts and memories that suddenly surface and feel like a punch in the gut. The ones we quickly hide from with swift, familiar avoidance. The cringe-moments.

It's our jar of shame. Collects old, dirty coins over the course of a lifetime. It's useless, really, and we keep it. But we put it away - out of sight. Each moment in life that has wreaked havoc on our sense of belongingness. Each trauma that dictates a narrative we struggle to evade. They are dirty old coins that fill this jar, which becomes more and more difficult to forget as it overflows. What if we started by unlocking the door to the room where that daunting jar sits. And then, we pull out each coin, holding it with the nurturing grace of a cradled palm. Maybe then -- it's not so scary. And if it is, we bravely fear our fear, we let our whole body cringe without fighting it. Be with it, so it can go. Then we take each precious coin and drop it in a wishing well. Release and cleanse, and free it for some other use. Like giving it to the divine and resting in its mystery. That's what we do with shame jar, with each coin. Slowly, and with compassion. 

What happens when the shame jar is empty? We feel lighter, most definitely. That enormous sense of relief after disclosing a long-held secret to a trusted friend. We might move about the world differently, more playfully. We might experience more compassion for others as we have done so for ourselves. It's all the same, remember. This shared consciousness, this shared experience of humanity. 

Authenticity is the same as presence, in my mind, as all those egoic shields live only in the past. It's the gritty and graceful journey toward accessing the point of our consciousness that defines who we truly are. The true essence that underlies all people, no matter the depth of their wounding. 

There is freedom here, true liberation. Space -- emptiness, ready for the infinite and the unknown. What can we fill that space with, now that there is so much room where love can live? How will we live and what will we do? What will we believe into being?

These questions are for all of us to ponder. For many, there exists merely a dream of what our life can behold. For all, there is potential to fulfill this ever-changing vision. It can become reality. The jar of shame empties, and what is left is our authentic selves.

​

Death, for obvious reasons, is a painful subject for many. Embracing the end of our lives is something most of us avoid thinking about. We hope - understandably - that we live to see our children's children's children, and die peacefully in our sleep. At 94, my grandmother often says she's "ready to go" after a life well-lived, and I can't think of a more ideal way to feel in those final years.

As we all know, many people enter the last stages of their lives well before this golden age. Terminal illnesses like cancer and ALS affect people of all ages, thrusting them into a stage of life they previously thought was decades away. Fear, sadness, confusion, a sense of peace and contentment, are just a few of the vast array of emotions one might experience during this time. While many people explore their feelings with family, friends, their healthcare team, or spiritual/religious leaders, others may experience a sense of loneliness and isolation, or perhaps filter their true feelings to protect loved ones. 

Psychotherapy for end-of-life issues can be profoundly impactful. Many people with terminal illness enter the stages of grief from the time of diagnosis - shock, denial, bargaining are all common and valid responses. A challenging dynamic of facing end-of-life is coping with the inherent uncertainty - since even the most experience healthcare professionals cannot predict when exactly life will end. Sitting with uncertainty can be terrifying and anxiety-provoking, and humans are experts at trying to avoid it. Being willing to simply be with it, can lead us from anxiety and suffering to acceptance and trust. A trained therapist may hold space, objectively, for feelings and thoughts to arise without judgment. 

​Dignity Therapy: What is is?
​Dr. Harvey Chochinov, a Canadian psychiatrist, developed a treatment method to reduce the distress experienced by hospice care patients. Dignity therapy is a brief, individualized, and clinically effective treatment method for end-of-life that was designed to promote a sense of purpose and autonomy. It was created to acknowledge the loss of personhood and dignity that can, but doesn't have to, occur during the end stages of life. It includes three components:
-Addressing and processing stressors that contribute to loss of sense of self, such as decline in functioning and symptom distress, with a goal of enhancing a person's sense of meaning.
-Conducting a "life review" including nine open-ended questions, reflecting on life's most important events as well as hopes and dreams for loved ones.
-Creating a legacy document; with permission from the client, the abovementioned interviews will be recorded and and then transcribed to a written document. The client will read this and request changes as needed. It will then be passed on to chosen loved ones and friends. 

Processing difficult and challenging emotions with a licensed therapist can increase quality of life.  I have completed the Dignity Therapy training through the Hospice Foundation of America. Feel free to schedule a phone consultation to determine if this service could benefit you or a loved one.